I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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