are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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