toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize