Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
