i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
