You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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