Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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