This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
