I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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