i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
everyone is single if you try hard enough
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
