watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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