clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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