guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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