Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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