her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
