is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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