I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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