my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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