I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
