I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Randomize
