Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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