We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
