Can Purell be used as lube?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
