i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
