I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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