I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
