So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
