I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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