Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
