dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
