Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
