So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
