me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
