handjob tips. give me some.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
