but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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