when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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