At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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