I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
