oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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