I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
