Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
