i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
do herpes really smell.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
