a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Who wears a wallet chain?!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
