why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
