Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
