I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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