He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
