I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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