Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
