i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
