Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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