Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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