So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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