Farmville is her only friend.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize