I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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