He is such a slut. More and more my type.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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