your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize