I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
