I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
