apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
