No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
