thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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