I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
