Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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