shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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