well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
