So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need moral support for this bender
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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