never play flip cup with pint glasses
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
And then he peed in my hair
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