Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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