we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize