I bet he comes in French.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
