hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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