i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
