It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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