Your dad touched me again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
